Top 10: Reasons to kiss with your eyes open

Dylan Conroy, Issue 22, kissing, Top Ten, Entertainment - By Dylan Conroy on Thursday, March 8, 2012 - 02:24

1. To make sure it is your partner
We all make mistakes. These mistakes are especially made at weekend functions involving many students from school, including but not limited to that sexy man meat who sits next to you in your political science class or that devilishly attractive girl you watch walk across the Upper Quad every morning from the benches outside the Science Building. The first reason to kiss your partner with your eyes open is to make sure it is actually that person. While inebriated at these functions, these other noticeable people can seem enticing and downright irresistible. Resist! Keep your eyes open, and make sure it is that person you arrived at the function with whose neck you are sucking on.

2. To make sure they are not texting while kissing you
We all have insecurities. Jealousy seems to be a common characteristic of many young relationships, especially with the number of young, fit and aesthetically dazzling commitment-phobes available in the college population. Keep your partner in line and make sure they are not texting someone else while they are kissing you. Keep those open! It is also important to mention that even if they are not texting another potential romantic interest, the fact that your partner is texting and/or playing a game on their smart phone is probably a sign of boredom and/or disinterest in the current relationship. Just another thing to think about and another reason to keep your eyes open.

3. To verify that everyone around you is watching
We all like to be the center of attention. Here is a third reason to kiss with your eyes open: you have to make sure you are truly embodying that public display of affection. How will everyone know that you and so-and-so are together if you are not making it abundantly clear and then confirming everyone’s knowledge of this fact? I say keep your eyes open to keep your reputation up.

4. To make your partner as uncomfortable as possible
Let’s face it: it is fun to make people uncomfortable. Whether you have one of those special relationships where you try to make the other person as uncomfortable as possible at all times or whether you just think your partner deserves it, there is nothing like keeping your eyes open while kissing someone to make that person uncomfortable. Next time you want to put a knot in your partner’s stomach, keep your eyes open and literally see what happens.

5. To make a mental list of all the facial imperfections of your partner
Yes, people are mean. There are those relationships that could be classified as unhealthy. These particular relationships can potentially involve making a mental list of all the imperfections of your partners face as you kiss them. This is not a forum to judge. In fact, this is giving those special relationships another way in which to criticize your partner and possibly enhance the vindictiveness of your relationship.

6. To make a mental list of all the facial perfections of your partner
And yes, love is sometimes blind. Love also sometimes allows general imperfections, normalcies and slightly above-average features seem like a face chiseled by Michaelangelo himself. If you are looking for a way to categorize the glorious slope of your partner’s nose or the distinguished density of their brow, but you just cannot seem to find the time among all the love-letter writing and song composing, kiss with your eyes open and it will come!

7. To scan the area for hotter people so you can pretend you are kissing them
I think this one speaks for itself. Let’s be real, there is a reacher and a settler in every relationship. If you are the settler, keep your eyes open for someone better and practice on this lesser reacher until you can trade up to a better model.

8. To make sure their eyes are closed
No one wants to be kissed by someone with their eyes open–or at least know that they are. If you are looking to be through and make sure your partner is really into the kiss, take a peek and make sure their eyes are closed. If this method proves to be successful, keep your eyes open all the while so you can make sure their eyes are closed.

9. So you can text while kissing them
Try this one on for size: texting and kissing is possible. For all you opportunists out there, I have found the perfect time to kill two birds with one stone! And the answer is so simple: just keep your eyes open.

10. You cannot believe you get to kiss that amazing person
Fact checking never hurt anyone. There are some lucky people that are so truly in love that they cannot believe their lips are pressed against that perfect person’s. These people could and probably should be considered fact checkers. That is all they are doing, really. Life really is that good sometimes and some cannot believe it. Keep your eyes open if you need a reminder of how lucky you are to be kissing that awe-inspiring person. Take in every bit of their brow, every bit of their hairline, and revel in the perfect happy moment that kiss is.